And let go of the other stuff
We create the person we become with how we see ourselves and how we remember a situation.
Years ago I made a mosaic artwork about my life titled “Glorious”. Each tile represents a memory — the rainbow colors symbolize happy memories, the dark and gloomy colors represent the sad and bitter memories, and the transparent tiles represent what I've forgotten.
While renovating my home I’ve had a lot of time to think about my past. For whatever reason, looking at the scars on the walls while I lovingly plaster over them to make the walls look as good as new has gotten me thinking about my emotional scars and the pain I’ve been carrying all these years, especially from several romantic relationships. To be honest, I hadn’t realized how much baggage I’ve been dragging around despite doing so much “release work” over the years. Remembering each relationship, one by one, brought up the unresolved issues — and pain covered up by anger.
A friend taught me from her years working in hospice that we must feel the pain so we can let it go, otherwise we’ll carry it around like baggage. And if we don’t let the pain go, it will pop out at inconvenient moments and kick us in the behind.
While it didn’t feel good, I felt the pain of rejection and loss all over again. And I realized I’ve tortured myself with that pain over the decades by thinking that something must have been wrong with me that the relationships had to go the way they did. Rather than curling up into a ball and hiding under the covers, I asked myself what I needed to see — what was I missing? Each time I asked, the answer came back, “That he loved you.”
I admit when I thought back about the behavior shown to me that it was hard to find love in those actions and situations. But when I looked really hard, I found a few “moments of truth” that told me that yes, each one of those guys had loved me. And that has given me peace.
"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." — Khalil Gibran
It’s my intention to let go of ALL the pain I’ve been carrying and to remember the beautiful memories — the rainbow-colored, happy ones — and to let go of the grey and gloomy ones.
Life, is not what you see, but what you've projected.
It's not what you've felt, but what you've decided.
It's not what you've experienced, but how you've remembered it.
It's not what you've forged, but what you've allowed.
It's not who's appeared, but who you've summoned.
And it's not where you've been, but where you're going.
— Angela Peregoff
If someone hurts you, it's up to you what to do with the pain: to hold onto it OR to release it.
Remember: the person hurt you in one moment. The moment is over, and there is no need to spend a lifetime smarting from what happened in that one moment. (I've had to learn that lesson the hard way.)
When we hang on to resentments, we poison ourselves...not the other person. And who wants to live that way?
Anger is a sign that a button has been pushed. The greater the anger, the more direct the hit and serious the underlying issue the anger is covering up. When something upsets you, look beyond the anger to see what pain it's covering up. This way you dismantle both the pain AND anger...and free yourself from the emotional baggage. This is the way to inner peace.